Sensory Processing and Your Core Beliefs

Parallels. It's how we relate things. It's how we make sense of the world. Of new situations. It helps us keep order in our brains.

So, here is my parallel.

I work with kids. Many of the have a sensory processing disorder. What's that? Well,

"Sensory processing (sometimes called "sensory integration" or SI) is a term that refers to the way the nervous system receives messages from the senses and turns them into appropriate motor and behavioral responses.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD, formerly known as "sensory integration dysfunction") is a condition that exists when sensory signals don't get organized into appropriate responses. Pioneering occupational therapist and neuroscientist A. Jean Ayres, PhD, likened SPD to a neurological "traffic jam" that prevents certain parts of the brain from receiving the information needed to interpret sensory information correctly. A person with SPD finds it difficult to process and act upon information received through the senses, which creates challenges in performing countless everyday tasks. Motor clumsiness, behavioral problems, anxiety, depression, school failure, and other impacts may result if the disorder is not treated effectively." Sensory Processing Disorder Foundation

So, you get the gist? This is something these kids have experienced from day one. This is their norm. This is what feels good even though it is not what a typically developing person experiences. Even though is leads to countless difficulties in their day to day lives. This is what makes sense to them. Their nervous systems may be "out of whack" but it's their "out of whack." They are not choosing to be this way. They can't help it.

Bare with me.

Today I talked with my therapist about core beliefs. Everyone has them. Whether right or wrong, good or bad. Everyone has this inherent belief about who they are. I discovered mine today. It wasn't pretty. My therapist helped me see how it has impacted me positively in my life, but also negatively. These core beliefs contribute to how I react to certain triggers. These triggers lead to automatic thoughts which are, in turn, fed by my core belief about myself.

But you know what. It is who I am. And I have fought tooth and nail to keep my core beliefs close to me. I never realized that until today. Even though they hurt me.

Even though they sometimes hurt other people.

It is engrained in me. And just like those kiddos with SPD it feels normal. It is what we have been experiencing for our whole lives.

I learned that my kiddos with SPD will fight you tooth and nail when you begin therapy with them and start to regulate their nervous systems.

I learned that we hold onto our core beliefs so tightly we will do almost anything to make sure they are real. Because it is who we are, despite the outcome. It doesn't feel right to change.


But just like I ask my kids every day to step outside of their comfort zone into a world that is regulated and stable.

I also have to ask that of myself.

Identity Crisis

I've tried to write several different posts lately, but I just haven't had it in me.

We have moved twice and are currently recreating our lives in Idaho. I finished school, but am not registered/licensed to work yet so I'm currently at a standstill. I have been experiencing what G and I both referred to at separate times as an identity crisis, which has been characterized by moodiness, sensitivity, lethargy, resentment, and deep self-doubt. I've had to come to terms with the fact that some people don't want to stay in  your life - even when the reason is not apparent. (which kind of makes it worse, because then you start to realize that maybe they just don't want to take the effort to continue to be in your life) And my childhood pet of about 13 years died recently. I am exhausted.

The joy I have displayed on the blog recently is not fake, this is just another layer I have been dealing with this year. And I think it is okay to feel and display other emotions rather than always appearing to have a jolly good time. It's just coming to terms and coping with the other emotions.

Well, I'm still in the thick of it and all of my thoughts are muddled and this post is turning out much different than I had planned in my head earlier today. But what I do know is that it has brought me full circle to my knees. I won't pretend that I have had some exuberant spiritual revival. I feel as if my relationship with God has always come softly. I've always felt His presence in a very deep and quiet way, which reflects my personality. Funny how that works.

From my morning devotions: "You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book" "... And in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge" Psalm 56:8 and Psalm 57:1

So, I promise I'll return to my regularly scheduled light/sarcastic posts about my glamorous life. But I just needed to keep it real.

It's an uphill battle, but one that I thankfully do not have to fight on my own.


And a few iphone photos from this weekend because life isn't all bad.

Northern Californians + Netflix

Well, we've made it. It took us ten hours to drive from the Inland Empire to the Napa Valley. We can thank our poor Mazda being loaded down with a trailer for the slow time it took to get up here.

We're  getting settled, though. Our family has started calling us the vagabonds or the nomads. If that doesn't tell you how our married life has been then I don't know what will. We have moved 4 times in the last 3 years. And this is a temporary stop, so we will be moving again, probably in about 6 months.

I seriously crave having my own space, but not a temporary space, somewhere where I can say we'll be here for only God knows how long and that's pretty darn good with me. Alas, us vagabonds don't stay settled for very long.

I'll post some pictures this week of where we're staying. The house is all decked out for Christmas. I am not used to having so much stuff, but that happens *I was just pulled away to help my grandmother thread a needle. Instead of leaving a blog post to finish hours later because of my children's demands, it'll be because of my grandma. :) * Anyways, that's what happens when you live somewhere for 25 years.

I have some ideas about future posts based on me using my OT skills with my grandmother. We'll see how that goes once my fieldwork starts, though ...

On to Netflix. Last night Guy and I watched a movie called Starbuck (2011). It was filmed in Montreal and everyone speaks in French. I loved it, though. I would definitely recommend it. I  had no idea but Vince Vaughn just was in a movie this November called The Delivery Man which is pretty much the exact same story as Starbuck. I watched the trailer for The Delivery Man and was not impressed. I would highly recommend Starbuck, though. IMDB.com describes the movie like this, "As his lover announces her pregnancy, a fortysomething slacker receives other life-changing news: 142 people, all of them the result of artificial insemination, have filed a class action lawsuit against him, their biological father." It is about family, taking responsibility, doing the right thing, and loving unconditionally. Plus, you'll probably want to have a baby after you see his newborn child. Or you'll get a lump in your throat when he spends the day with Raphael (who is Raphael? Watch to find out). Or you'll laugh when Avocat talks about raising kids.

Not convinced? Watch the trailer.


If you have seen the trailer for The Delivery Man, it looks almost exactly the same, I promise you this is a good one, though. My husband really liked it as well and he's not always big on babies and what not. :)

Until next time!

Update

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So, we're moving to Northern California, to be more accurate the Napa Valley, on December 11. We'll be living with my grandma in her house. She lives in a quiet neighborhood with a great circle to run/walk on, a huge yard for Beau, a wood stove, no neighbors that smoke, and the list goes on and on. Oh yeah, and we won't be breathing in smog anymore! I had a pathology professor who said that if everyone lived long enough then we'd all end up dying from cancer. I'm pretty sure I got cancer from living in the Inland Empire and from the second-hand smoke our neighbors love to send our way. 

Anyways, I am hoping to make a video in the next week chronicling our SoCal experience as we won't be coming back very often. Other than that, blogging will be sparse for awhile as we prepare to move, and then we move, and then we go on a trip to see family, and then I prepare for my last level II fieldwork in a hospital!

We're busy, but happy and content. God is in control and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Until next time!

I Dyed My Hair

So, throughout my life, as soon as I was old enough to start making that decision for my own, I have experimented with a lot of different hair styles and a couple times with different colors. Unfortunately, I don't have many pictures representing the earlier hair-dos. My first time doing something drastic was in high school or middle school. I can't remember exactly, but I cut my hair using this image. I was called Paris Hilton by a lot of people in my school and it seemed fitting to use one of her hair styles. I actually really liked that length and would go back to it right before I went to college. Anyways, during high school I went completely red. I feel like this picture is a pretty good representation of what it looked like. I also ended up with purple streaks (by accident). I look back and love it, but at the time I was very self-concious about it. I think it looked kinda like this and this one without all the brown. Well, I went back to blonde aka my hair grew out and it got pretty long. Like the picture to your left with Guy in it. Then Guy and I got married. I was itching to do something new. So, I chopped it completely off into a pixie cut. Which has been my favorite hairstyle so far. I am a fan of Jean Seberg and channeled her pixie cut.

If you are still reading you deserve a medal.

So, I want to please Guy and I really want him to think I am sexy. Well, my pixie cut was very feminine and chic, however not Guy's definition of sexy. So, I am currently growing my hair out. I have been for almost a year now. I am really getting tired of it so I got a hankerin' to do something drastic. Not cut it, mind you, but something different. So ... I dyed it!

I had Guy use his skills (he said he could make it look more realistic, but that it would take more time, and me - being the impulsive person that I am did not want to wait) and make up some shots of what different colors would look like on me.

^^  The pink one was actually our favorite! But, being a graduate student, I figured that it would not be professional enough. :(

I decided to dye my own hair, because right now I cannot afford $80+ dollar hair-do. I was nervous because every other time I have gotten my hair did I went to a hairdresser that I had gone to for about 9 years. Since we moved to SoCal I haven't found one I trust enough to color my hair. I did a lot of research online and read suggestions, but in the end I kinda disregarded it all and went with what I wanted. I am happy with the result. I used Feria by L'Oreal in the Deep Bronzed Brown 45 color. I was promised highlights by the box and I actually had someone comment today on how they could see the highlights that the hairdresser added, to which I quickly stated that my highlights were from a box! 

So, here is the finished product. Different lighting brings out the different tones/hues (?), however I think these pictures are pretty accurate.

BEFORE

AFTER

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^^I added this picture because I have NEVER seen my eyes look so green. I was shocked.


If you're having a hard time choosing to change up your hairstyle, just come to me and I'll give you all the encouragement you need! Needless to say, I love changing my hair because it grows out and now I know I can always fall back on my pixie cut if worst comes to worst.

Until next time!

Changes

There are so many potential changes that Guy and I are anticipating to happen in the next year. We hope to move out of the Armpit of the World aka the Inland Empire. There are so many wonderful people here, but the cons are too great. We would never raise a family here and I have not heard one other person disagree with us on that yet. There are several prospects in the running as to where our new home will be, but I'm going to keep mum until we are certain about our move. It is exciting and scary all bundled up together in a package of anticipation.

After June - well technically March of next year, I will be done with schooling. Not for the summer, but possibly for my life. Time flies. I once heard that the older you get, each year goes by faster than the last. I am so young and time has seemed to speed up so quickly, I barely feel like I can keep up! How will it be when we are "established" and "settled" somewhere with our children, and dogs, and garden, and a million things to do? Ya know, I could let myself get overwhelmed by all the what-ifs, but lately I have been trying to let to and let God. Really, it is not always easy, but oh so worth it. Guy and I are trying to embrace change in our lives and look forward to the growth and wisdom that comes from new experiences. This makes me think of John Mayer's song, "Stop This Train." Right now the lines, "So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young" really resonate with me. I have looked forward to being older my whole life, however as I start to become that person I dreamed about, it is not exactly what I expected. is it ever? So, now we're full circle. I hope Guy and I can continually accept the future and the unknown, because there are definitely times where I would love to freeze time and never change.



Side Note: I am a huge John Mayer fan. He is a talented musician and I respect that. So, expect multiple songs from him on this here blog.

A Family Reunion with the Master

Guy and I lost a grandmother this past week. She was mine through marriage and Guy's through blood. It was very hard hearing about her health deteriorating as we live so far away from our family in the Midwest. We felt, and still feel, so far removed from the whole situation. Distance is not fun.

On the day we got the news of her passing I frantically started searching the scriptures for any comforting words for myself and Guy. I came across a passage which is well known to most Christians, however I found new meaning in it when I read it from The Message.

"And then this: We can tell you with complete confidence - we have the Master's word on it - that when the Master comes again to get us, those of us who are still alive will not get a jump on the dead and leave them behind. In actual fact, they'll be ahead of us. The Master himself will give the command. Archangel thunder! God's trumpet blast! He'll come down from heaven and the dead in Christ will rise - they'll go first. Then the rest of us who are still alive at the time will be caught up with them into the clouds to meet the Master. Oh, we'll be walking on air! And then there will be one huge family reunion with the Master. So reassure one another with these words."
1 Thessalonians 4:15-18

by Nathan Greene

I had the privilege of knowing grandma for 4 and a 1/2 years. There was never a dull moment with her and I many fond memories spent with her and grandpa. What a blessing to have something to look forward to when a loved one is lost.

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