Insomnia // Or That Time I Went To A Psych Ward

I have major depressive disorder along with generalized anxiety disorder.

I just spent 5 days in a behavioral health medicine center. A psych ward. As in the doors were locked and my bedroom door couldn't be closed and every patient had eyes laid on them by a psych tech or nurse every 15 minutes - 24 hours a day.

Why did I go to the hospital?
Because I was having persistent suicidal ideation, low motivation, panic attacks, little to no sleep, and low energy levels.

According to my last few posts I am sure that some of you aren't surprised.

So, why am I blasting this on the internets where nothing ever really disappears despite how many times you delete it? Because it needs to be talked about.

I am not ashamed to say that I have felt hopeless. I have felt like the world was swallowing me whole. Like I was knocked into a giant wave and being tossed and turned this way and that, trying to swim to the surface and not being able to identify which way is up. Which way leads me towards oxygen - life.

And here is the fun part. I have felt that way, and I still will. I am in the beginning of the healing process and it won't be easy. So many people share their stories after they have been restored. I do not want to take away the value of that, but I wish I would have known more about other stories people have related to depression and anxiety while I was feeling hopeless before I started getting help. So, here I am sharing with you. If you feel like this. You're not alone, but you should seek out help.

You need to.

Yesterday I felt restless and hyperactive like I never have. Today I feel exhausted with little motivation. So, I am going to leave things where they are at.

This isn't the end of this story and I will continue to share my journey here.

Until next time.