We have moved twice and are currently recreating our lives in Idaho. I finished school, but am not registered/licensed to work yet so I'm currently at a standstill. I have been experiencing what G and I both referred to at separate times as an identity crisis, which has been characterized by moodiness, sensitivity, lethargy, resentment, and deep self-doubt. I've had to come to terms with the fact that some people don't want to stay in your life - even when the reason is not apparent. (which kind of makes it worse, because then you start to realize that maybe they just don't want to take the effort to continue to be in your life) And my childhood pet of about 13 years died recently. I am exhausted.
The joy I have displayed on the blog recently is not fake, this is just another layer I have been dealing with this year. And I think it is okay to feel and display other emotions rather than always appearing to have a jolly good time. It's just coming to terms and coping with the other emotions.
Well, I'm still in the thick of it and all of my thoughts are muddled and this post is turning out much different than I had planned in my head earlier today. But what I do know is that it has brought me full circle to my knees. I won't pretend that I have had some exuberant spiritual revival. I feel as if my relationship with God has always come softly. I've always felt His presence in a very deep and quiet way, which reflects my personality. Funny how that works.
From my morning devotions: "You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book" "... And in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge" Psalm 56:8 and Psalm 57:1
So, I promise I'll return to my regularly scheduled light/sarcastic posts about my glamorous life. But I just needed to keep it real.
It's an uphill battle, but one that I thankfully do not have to fight on my own.
And a few iphone photos from this weekend because life isn't all bad.
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