Two Are Better Than One

My journey has taken my down many dark roads. Some I share here, but others I dare not. While I wish to be candid, I also must remember my professional career and my clients. This is an open blog and, to be frank, I don't think it would be appropriate for them to know every detail.

But, I will share this.

It starts out with thoughts. Millions of terrible thoughts that culminate to this terrible outcome. You can't control the thoughts. you can't control the outcome. Then your body starts to physically manifest these thoughts.

You cry. Or at least I did. You cry small tears and try to hide it. Then you're sobbing without even realizing it. You cry for all the terrible things you can't control. Like having to go to work or making that phone call or doing that errand. It can sound as simple as that. But it's not simple. What if something goes wrong? So, you cry.

Then your breathing pattern changes. It becomes shorter and quicker. It is fast, very fast. You can't slow it down. You can't get enough breath.

Next is the gagging. You start to heave. You want to throw up. But you can't. Or maybe you do. I never did.

At this point you'll move to the bathroom if you're not already there. You think at least I can throw up in the toilet. You're feeling very weak. You can barely stand so you lay down on the floor. Then the buzzing starts. The lack of oxygen is getting to you. Your head feels like pins and needles are being thrust into it.

But you're not alone. When the tears start he rubs your back and reassures you that any problem is conquerable when the two of you are together.

When you start to breathe shallowly he'll continue to rub your back. He'll find you a bag to breathe in.

When you feel as if your insides are turning upside down he'll physically carry you to the bathroom when your strength is failing you.

When you're laying on the floor and the buzzing starts he'll prop you on his chest and hope that his breathing pattern will meld with yours and give you some reprieve.

The buzzing in your head will subside.

You'll stop feeling the urge to gag.

You'll lay your head back in his chest and take your first deep breath in 30 minutes.



Two are better than one.