Sensory Processing and Your Core Beliefs

Parallels. It's how we relate things. It's how we make sense of the world. Of new situations. It helps us keep order in our brains.

So, here is my parallel.

I work with kids. Many of the have a sensory processing disorder. What's that? Well,

"Sensory processing (sometimes called "sensory integration" or SI) is a term that refers to the way the nervous system receives messages from the senses and turns them into appropriate motor and behavioral responses.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD, formerly known as "sensory integration dysfunction") is a condition that exists when sensory signals don't get organized into appropriate responses. Pioneering occupational therapist and neuroscientist A. Jean Ayres, PhD, likened SPD to a neurological "traffic jam" that prevents certain parts of the brain from receiving the information needed to interpret sensory information correctly. A person with SPD finds it difficult to process and act upon information received through the senses, which creates challenges in performing countless everyday tasks. Motor clumsiness, behavioral problems, anxiety, depression, school failure, and other impacts may result if the disorder is not treated effectively." Sensory Processing Disorder Foundation

So, you get the gist? This is something these kids have experienced from day one. This is their norm. This is what feels good even though it is not what a typically developing person experiences. Even though is leads to countless difficulties in their day to day lives. This is what makes sense to them. Their nervous systems may be "out of whack" but it's their "out of whack." They are not choosing to be this way. They can't help it.

Bare with me.

Today I talked with my therapist about core beliefs. Everyone has them. Whether right or wrong, good or bad. Everyone has this inherent belief about who they are. I discovered mine today. It wasn't pretty. My therapist helped me see how it has impacted me positively in my life, but also negatively. These core beliefs contribute to how I react to certain triggers. These triggers lead to automatic thoughts which are, in turn, fed by my core belief about myself.

But you know what. It is who I am. And I have fought tooth and nail to keep my core beliefs close to me. I never realized that until today. Even though they hurt me.

Even though they sometimes hurt other people.

It is engrained in me. And just like those kiddos with SPD it feels normal. It is what we have been experiencing for our whole lives.

I learned that my kiddos with SPD will fight you tooth and nail when you begin therapy with them and start to regulate their nervous systems.

I learned that we hold onto our core beliefs so tightly we will do almost anything to make sure they are real. Because it is who we are, despite the outcome. It doesn't feel right to change.

But just like I ask my kids every day to step outside of their comfort zone into a world that is regulated and stable.

I also have to ask that of myself.


So, we are moving.


Still in Boise, but ...

Just when we were getting settled in our current place. I was all ready to share photos.
But this move is a good thing. It is a one story house. It has a cute little yard. It has two bedrooms and two full bathrooms. It has windows up the wazoo. That is what I love. The windows! Right now I live in a two story duplex with 4 measly windows. Our new place has at least 11 windows. I can't wait to have more house plants. Also, with my depression you can see how light is, well, a light in my depression. So, once we get settled there I'll start sharing pictures of our house.

You know. Because everything on pinterest is exactly what my house will look like. But here are some photos that kind of represent what my styling actually looks like.

 The living area, plus a bunch of pillows and colorful thrifted blankets. Minus the antler chandelier.

 The guest bedroom, minus the art, but definitely with a fantastic faux fur blanket.

 White and black and natural browns in my bathroom.

 Grey in the master bedroom. With little else, but my sun hats hanging on the wall.

For more dreaming check out my pinterest. For more reality check out my instagram. >>

Wish us luck on the move. I can't wait to be settled. Again. For awhile this time.

To Hell and Back

So, we went through hell. And we're coming out on the other side. Except what they don't tell you is that just because you went through hell doesn't mean that hell goes away. Oh no. It is still burning at your back. All you have to do is turn around. But, that only means if that crap is always there, then the good stuff is too. I just have to keep finding it. Looking for it. Intentionally. It is hard. And sometimes I hate it and want to give up. Depression is the real deal folks and chances are you deal with it too.

But, this isn't about me, this is about marriage and my amazing partner in life. You know dealing with depression and anxiety is hard shit. (Yes, I can think of no better word to use. Excuse me.) It knocks you down over and over and over again. It does. It isn't your fault. You aren't intentionally letting it happen. But what is even harder is going through that before you are diagnosed. Before you understand what is going on. It is confusing and heartbreaking and just plain ol' difficult.

This is where you find strength in others. And I found strength in Guy. My husband. My depression and anxiety knocked him down too. He had to pick himself up and then me. He had to hide his fears from me even while I poured out mine to him. I gave up.

I gave up.

But he didn't. He never did. He was always up with me at night. Always mentally and physically picking me up. He is the real hero here because he had a choice. He could have given up on me. He could have left. He could have told me I was crazy or to just get over it. He could have.

But he didn't.

He didn't and I am still alive.

And now my favorite love song. Because, hello.
I have to end on the cheesiest note I can find.

Mediocre, But Okay

So, I survived my first week of work. It felt like a whole week of work even though it was just 4 days. Oh wait - it was a full work week because I work 10 hour days. But I LOVE my Fridays now.

Anyways, here are some very mediocre photos of what's been going on lately with me. I am by no means a photographer, obvs, but I can't wait to start using my "big girl" camera again. Now that the weather is warming up and my fingers won't freeze! Yay.

Almost bought this old man

Amazeballs sunset

It's okay to laugh. BAHAH! For our church directory.

supah sexay aka supah sarcastic

Wearing this outfit on repeat. 

Can't wait!

 Breaking him in to the joys of thrifting.

Definitely not obsessed.

What a turd.

Almost bought a dog ... again.

The therapy gym at work!!!

At the vet. Beau wasn't scared. At. All.

And now you know.