The Gift That Won't Stop Giving

What comes to mind when you read that title? If it's debt then you are right on the money. ;)

Recently, Guy and I have started to do research about the best way to tackle my loans, which almost double the amount he has. Our combined debt adds up to Big Scary Numbers and we have avoided confronting them for as long as we can.

How did we manage to accumulate those Big Scary Numbers?
  • We both have earned degrees from private universities.
  • I pursued higher education (because I had to) and received a masters degree.
  • I got married while still in college so was not able to receive subsidy by way of my father who works for said private institutions. 
  • Neither of our families were in the place to assist us financially.
And you know what I'm feeling right now? - No, this is what we are feeling. Like we have dug ourselves into the deepest of holes and someone cut the rope that we were going to use to climb out. So, for the next 30 years we are going to have to use just our finger nails to make little crevices that will act as footholds in the stone that makes up the walls of our hole. The Count of Monte Cristo would understand completely.

It is disheartening. It is uncomfortable. It is discouraging. It is overwhelming. It is our reality.

All praise and glory to God that Guy has a job that he loves with a salary that is keeping us afloat. All praise and glory to God that I have started working and my hours are slowing increasing.

So, we will keep pushing forward and let you know if we find the magic formula to make it all go away - that or maybe some millionaire will read this post and take pity on us...

**Yes, I drew the above picture many years ago. Little did I know that was money I would be giving away rather than keeping.

Be Still My 80s Lovin' Heart

I am totally a fan of the 80s.

The music, the movies, the hair. If I could figure out how to get volume like that then my life would be complete.

This song to me is totally reminiscent of all the best things about 80s music. Apparently this guy is/used to be part of a band called Fun. Never heard of them or him. But I definitely play this song on repeat.

Don't visions of John Cusack holding up a boombox or skiing towards you down the scariest ski slope ever pop in your head?

Excuse me while I go watch Dirty Dancing for the 100th time.


So, I took a break from blogging. All the best bloggers do it. And usually it is unannounced, so I decided it was high time that I took a break and made y'all wonder where I was and leave comments about how concerned you are.

I feel missed/loved.

It is September. The air is crisp, the mornings are cool, the light is different. I have always loved Spring and Fall much more than I do Summer and Winter. And recently, coming from an endless summer, I am more excited than ever to have a season change. I'm giddy. I am actually looking forward to Halloween. Not because I like Halloween per-say, but because I love the festive fall things that come along with it. Plus, I just all around love the holiday season. I don't get angry at stores for putting up decorations way in advance only because that doesn't mean I have celebrate or acknowledge said holiday way before it's time. I never understand how people get their panties in a knot about how Thanksgiving is ignored by the stores/media/world. They aren't forcing you to put up your decorations early or listen to Christmas music in your car/at home. Anyways, *reigning myself in from that tangent.*

I'm back. It has been a crazy, wonderful, stressful, hard, happy summer. I passed my NBCOT boards and am currently applying for jobs. Hoping I will get a full-time job, but we are in Idaho and while there are jobs available for occupational therapists the market is nothing near what it was in California.

Here are a few pictures (some I took and some I did not) to let you know what has happened around our place this summer.

^^ Made pretzels

^^ Found the biggest leaf ever

^^ Balanced some rocks near Friendship Bridge 

^^ Visited Zoo Boise

^^ Enjoyed front row seats at a Boise Hawks game

 ^^ Visited the fair

 ^^ Enjoyed a potato icecream at the fair

 ^^ Salivated over the beautiful quilts at the fair

 ^^ My first time mountain biking

 ^^ I have been enjoying my roses all summer

 ^^ This is Boise's cityscape. View courtesy of the library's second floor

 ^^ Guy did the swimming portion of an xterra triathlon in McCall, ID

^^Another moment from the fair with a new friend
 ^^ A picture of my sexy husband because I can

^^ And a giant picture of us

Identity Crisis

I've tried to write several different posts lately, but I just haven't had it in me.

We have moved twice and are currently recreating our lives in Idaho. I finished school, but am not registered/licensed to work yet so I'm currently at a standstill. I have been experiencing what G and I both referred to at separate times as an identity crisis, which has been characterized by moodiness, sensitivity, lethargy, resentment, and deep self-doubt. I've had to come to terms with the fact that some people don't want to stay in  your life - even when the reason is not apparent. (which kind of makes it worse, because then you start to realize that maybe they just don't want to take the effort to continue to be in your life) And my childhood pet of about 13 years died recently. I am exhausted.

The joy I have displayed on the blog recently is not fake, this is just another layer I have been dealing with this year. And I think it is okay to feel and display other emotions rather than always appearing to have a jolly good time. It's just coming to terms and coping with the other emotions.

Well, I'm still in the thick of it and all of my thoughts are muddled and this post is turning out much different than I had planned in my head earlier today. But what I do know is that it has brought me full circle to my knees. I won't pretend that I have had some exuberant spiritual revival. I feel as if my relationship with God has always come softly. I've always felt His presence in a very deep and quiet way, which reflects my personality. Funny how that works.

From my morning devotions: "You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book" "... And in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge" Psalm 56:8 and Psalm 57:1

So, I promise I'll return to my regularly scheduled light/sarcastic posts about my glamorous life. But I just needed to keep it real.

It's an uphill battle, but one that I thankfully do not have to fight on my own.

And a few iphone photos from this weekend because life isn't all bad.

How I Became My Husband's Fiance

I guess I'm kind of skipping the actually dating part of our relationship. Really - I had no mood swings whatsoever and was an excellent communicator. That pretty much sums it all up. So, really, I can't figure out why Guy tried to break up with me once.

Hmm, we'll have to hash that one out at a later date.

We had been dating for 1.5 years when Guy proposed. We had walked through different jewelry stores at the mall once and I had pointed out rings that I liked to Guy. Guy had met my immediate family and I had met most of his immediate and extended family. No one objected to us dating so we plunged forward in our relationship.

During the summers, since Guy lived in Michigan and I went home to Kansas City, we saw each other two or three times, each of us visiting each others home. The summer of 2010 my family was planning our annual trek out to California to see all of our relatives. I begged my parents to let Guy come and then I begged Guy to come.

^^At the Grand Canyon^^

So, in late June we set off in a van that did not have A/C. It was real fun. We stopped here and there up the Coast of California working our way from L.A. to the Napa Valley.

^^ I was so cool. I'm not surprised that Guy decided to propose to me. Also, I'm not sure why there is a random shot of my mom, but I can't figure out how to get rid of it so just ignore it...^^

My parents wanted to stop in Carmel. I grew up in a small town very near there so I have fond memories of visiting Carmel and Monterey. I thought nothing of it.

After walking around Carmel for a bit, we decided to eat lunch somewhere and the typical family disagreements about where to eat ensued. At this point we had spent a lot of time cramped together in a very hot van. After lunch Guy suggested that just he and I walk down to the beach.

And at this point y'all are thinking Did you suspect anything? I really had no clue. I genuinely thought Guy just needed a minute away from everyone. Plus, Guy is not one to joke around or hint about something so serious.

We walked several blocks to the beach...

Do you love me? Yes, Guy.
Do you know that you want to be with me? Yes, Guy.
Do you have any doubts about us? No, Guy.
Do you like me? Yes, Guy.

At this point we had found a semi-secluded spot to sit down at. After Guy was completely satisfied that I would not reject his proposal this happened -

Guy: So, I guess this is the part where you stand up.
Me: What? *stands up* ....
Guy: *Kneels and pulls out a ring from his pocket* Will you marry me?
Me: ..... What? ..... Ummm, wait - Yes! YES!

We grabbed a random guy who was walking to take the below picture. And that's how we got engaged tomorrow 4 years ago. July 3rd, 2010.

Ya know, Guy didn't have fireworks in the sky (until the next day.....). He didn't record a youtube video for me. He didn't have a plane fly by that was pulling a sign. He didn't have a band play a romantic song. He didn't even have the ring in a little black box. In fact, the proposal was pretty reminiscent of how he asked me out. But I would take his gentle way of loving me over any showy gesture of affection. Guy is not one for frills, but what that means is that I get a very deep, raw and unquestionable love.

I am continually awed by how in tune Guy is to me and humbled by how he loves me despite my very real flaws. It really only gets better.